in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
