Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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