she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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