sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize