Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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