im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize