Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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