She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
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