I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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