Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
