booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
