May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
