They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize