im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
