I am in a vortex of obligation.
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
as a side note pls kill me
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
