dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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