doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
