Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
