I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
