you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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