Im at strip club and am horny
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
