The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
