the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
