I want to have your abortion
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize