I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
