then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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