My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
