weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
