he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
