is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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