i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
