The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Less talking, more tequila
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
