do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Randomize