Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Boobs are out for the taking
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
