walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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