No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
