hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
