Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
