I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
