Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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