hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
