Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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