Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
