how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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