pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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