Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
