We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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