margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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