I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
