I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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