If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
