I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Randomize
