I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
