he thought i was a dude.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
