just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
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