just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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