So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
