I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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