there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
