Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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