nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just threw up on my dentist
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
