Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
