did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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