I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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