When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
