i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just puked most of my soul out..
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
