Me. At least after what I've been through.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
