3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
