she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
