So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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