we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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