you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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