I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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