Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Green mimosas i think yes
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
That's how pantless uber rides happen
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
