I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
