were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
