I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
