I wish my penis had an off switch
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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