Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Randomize
