everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
