I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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