Betty ford says i'm here all night
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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