All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
